


Somebody to Love

by M4R4N14MH



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate established Beelzebub/Gabriel, Angel Wings, Archangel Retirement, Aziraphale is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Aziraphale is the Nanny, Bathing/Washing, Bathtubs, Beelzebub is just about done with all of this, Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Crowley is the Gardener, Demon Prince Retirement, Gabriel lies to himself constantly, I honestly didn't know Bathtubs was a tag, Implied Aziraphale/Crowley, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Multi, Multiverse, Not actually in the story but they are mentioned, So does Beelzebub, Suppose its more of a pool tbh, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), This is just too much for the first Monday after Nopemageddon, Unwilling Universe Hopping, Wing Grooming, after the apocalypse, its all a bit of a mess really, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 18:40:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22002619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M4R4N14MH/pseuds/M4R4N14MH
Summary: Beelzebub is not in a good mood. The Apocalypse has failed, the Devil is pissed off, and Crowley has somehow managed to slither his way out of their grasp for good. To top it all off, they’ve been unceremoniously flung into another universe. Sometimes fate can be a bitch.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Gabriel (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Gabriel (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Somebody to Love

“You bazztard!”

  


They stormed forwards, filthy heels clicking on the tarmac of the abandoned car park. Irritatingly, Gabriel did not even look at them, but they could tell by his suddenly tense shoulders that the insult had not been ignored.

“You zzaid it would work!”

This time Gabriel did turn around and the look in his stormy violet eyes nearly gave Beelzebub pause. Well, it did for half a second anyway, they were a Prince of Hell after all and Satan’s stare was several magnitudes worse.

  


Gabriel’s lip curled in a sneer, “I could hardly have predicted their immunity, Beelzebub.”

When the Archangel turned to walk away again Beelzebub snarled and grabbed his arm. Gabriel apparently took exception to this and attempted to slap Beelzebub’s hand off, preferably _entirely_ off, but as with most things the Archangel was disappointed.

“Get your hands off me, filth.” He spat, those violet eyes glowing with barely concealed wrath.

Beelzebub chuckled, “Or what, Mezzzenger boy? Gonna throw a memo at me?”

  


Two things then occurred.

Firstly, Gabriel attempted to throw a punch in Beelzebub’s direction which the Prince easily avoided.

And secondly, and perhaps more importantly, a tear in the fabric of reality opened up and swallowed Beelzebub whole; leaving nothing but a very confused Archangel and a passing pigeon to wonder what on Earth had just happened.

  


***

  


With a delicate _pop_ of displaced air, Beelzebub sprawled face-first in an obscenely soft carpet. Groaning, they struggled to their feet, the fly atop their head doing a manic little buzzing dance as it attempted to reorient itself.

They nearly discorporated when something shattered behind them.

  


“What in the Hell…” Came an eerily familiar voice.

Beelzebub turned around and nearly discorporated again1 when they saw themselves stare back. But this doppelgänger was most definitely not some sort of creepy mirror.

For one thing it was wearing a pink tank top and shorts and the fly -a creature Beelzebub had become accustomed to if not directly fond of over the millennia- was conspicuous by its complete absence. It wasn’t even hidden away anywhere; it was just gone.

Beelzebub leapt back, glancing around the room. Had they been summoned? There wasn’t a summoning circle. The shattered remnants of some sort of glass thing were all that they saw on the ground by their feet but there was no chalk or half-melted candles2, just the soft black carpet and the bare feet of their eerie counterpart.

Which wasn’t a usual thing either, now that they thought about it.

  


The doppelgänger sighed and snapped their fingers.

With another pop of displaced air, Beelzebub was wearing an amulet, and it felt like a freight train was sitting happily on their back. With a squawk of outrage and sheer surprise, they crashed back down onto the carpet, miraculously missing the shards of glass.

“The _fuck_ -? What in the Hell! Where the fuck-?” The questions seemed to come of their own accord and, true to form, they didn’t try to stop them.

The mirror image sighed again, sounding more than a little irritated, “You’re in another reality, idiot.”

  


That shut them up.

Temporarily.

Beelzebub glowered and managed to stagger to their feet once more, the heavy weight on their back unrelenting.

Their lips curled in a snarl, “Put. Me. Back!”

The truth and consequential existential crisis of knowing there were multiple universes was something, Beelzebub decided, that was going to have to fucking wait. They had been pulled out of the start of a really good fight and this alternate Beelzebub was going to put them back this bloody instant!

  


The doppelgänger raised an eyebrow, “I can’t.”

Beelzebub gaped.

Before they could start screaming cathartically at the infuriating copy-cat, someone interrupted them. Or, more specifically, a voice interrupted them.

  


“ _Beelzebub_ ,” it whined, sounding rather pitiful and disturbingly familiar, “What’s taking so long? Are you trying to get out of doing my primaries _again ?”_

Beelzebub felt their jaw drop.

The doppelgänger rolled their eyes, “I’m juzzzt coming, I thought patience wazz one of your virtuezzz?”

“Normally it is, but my wings are itchy and its driving me insane.” The voice replied, sulkily.

  


With a huff the doppelgänger began trudging towards the door and Beelzebub gave another startled yelp as their legs moved to follow.

“Hey! Wait- woah! Fuck, hold on!”

With another snap of their fingers and an annoyed glare, Beelzebub found their jaw clicking shut, their planned repertoire of expletives locked behind teeth that refused to move. The amulet pulsed, revealing exactly how their body was being hijacked with all the subtlety of a drunk human toddler.

Gagged and more of a passenger in their own body than the driver with no outlet for the simmering rage just beneath their skin; Beelzebub decided to distract themselves by surveying their surroundings as their twin shuffled off in the direction of that disturbingly familiar voice. Every surface of this mansion4 seemed to radiate wealth. The carpets were still black, but they were plush and deep, and Beelzebub almost felt guilty for tracking mud into them. The windows they passed revealed a deep black night sky dotted with a thousand tiny stars casting their light down on what they assumed to be the start of a sizeable garden5 and the furniture, from what they’d seen of it, was an odd mix between their own penchant for humanity’s more decadent era6 and what looked like furniture from a modern office- most of it an obnoxiously blinding white.

  


They were so distracted with the absurdity of their surroundings that they didn’t notice the pool until they were in danger of falling in it. Or, they would have been in danger, had their legs not helpfully halted and impeded any further progress.

  


The pool was about as decadent as the rest of the house, although the floor around it was absent of any soft carpeting7. It was entirely black marble and presumably more of a bath than a swimming pool as the peculiar tang of chlorine was nowhere to be found. Instead, the water steamed slightly, and the delicate scent of lavender was wafting across the dark surface.

As lavish as the massive bath was, it wasn’t what was making Beelzebub’s jaw want to drop, despite it being physically incapable of doing so.

  


No, it was the bath’s occupant that had them metaphorically gawping like a human child at a particularly exotic animal.

  


Gabriel was sat cross-legged in the shallow end, all six magnificent pearly wings spread out and casting holy light across the dark surface of the water, scattering it in a hypnotic display reflected upon the ceiling. Gabriel also happened to be naked apart from a pair of indigo swimming trunks and Beelzebub was having a hard time avoiding staring at the _very_ well-defined musculature on display.

They reminded themselves that Gabriel was their sworn enemy, something to be destroyed in battle or corrupted into service to their dark Master.

It was very difficult to keep such thoughts in mind when this other-Gabriel was pouting like a spoiled child with his lowest set of wings splashing the dark water like an impatient toddler.

They felt a dull red flush begin to grow on their cheeks.

  


The doppelgänger raised an eyebrow before stepping down into the pool and settling themselves behind other-Gabriel who gave a pleased sort of wiggle and happily spread his wings further. Then he noticed Beelzebub8.

  


“Huh, I thought Eric was the only demon who could replicate himself like that.” Other-Gabriel commented airily, a smirk flitting across his face, “Planning on experimenting in the bedroom, are we?”

The doppelgänger rolled their eyes again and tugged a crooked primary out a little harder than necessary, making other-Gabriel yelp, “Don’t be denzze. They’re from another univerzze. Popped in right zzmack in the middle of the zzecond living room, made me drop your drink.”

The other-Gabriel nodded thoughtfully, looking Beelzebub up and down9, “Shame, I was looking forward to that, no spillage I take it?”

“No, our friend here popped in before I got a chance to fill it, Benedict will clean up the glazzz.”

  


Beelzebub swallowed and tried to look away as their double pulled an apparently particularly itchy feather and other-Gabriel gasped in delight.

“So,” Other-Gabriel said after he had recovered, “Another universe. Are they like the guy who nearly crushed the Bentley with his telephone box? You know, the doctor guy?”

“Who.”

Other-Gabriel frowned, “The doctor, remember?”

The doppelgänger groaned, “No that’zz- oh forget it.”

They glanced back at Beelzebub and sighed, “Lookzz like thizz one might take a while to go back.”

  


Other-Gabriel smiled, “It’s not that bad, darling. Why don’t you invite them into the water, they’re still in that dreadful suit you used to wear, must get awfully stuffy.”

Beelzebub desperately wished their legs to stay still and was unbelievably relieved when they remained firmly planted on the ground- to their utter dismay, however, the blush also opted to remain.

Their doppelgänger pulled yet another feather out more harshly than strictly necessary, but this time other-Gabriel seemed ready for it, “Azz I recall, you _liked_ that zzzuit on me.”

Other-Gabriel chuckled, “No I liked taking it _off_ you, there’s a difference,” He looked over at Beelzebub again, “Besides, they don’t look like they’ve got together with the me from wherever they’re from. I could give them some advice.”

  


Before Beelzebub was able to snap back with a particularly biting response10, locked jaw or not, their double frowned and removed their hands from other-Gabriel’s largest left wing.

Other-Gabriel whined, not unlike a dog that had stopped getting attention from their human master, “Alright fine, I’ll shut up. It was just a suggestion.”

The glance he threw Beelzebub’s way was, at least, slightly apologetic.

The doppelgänger placed their fingers back in other-Gabriel’s wings and the Archangel almost purred -Beelzebub felt the blush spread from their cheeks to their neck.

“Yeah, juzzt a suggezztion. Zzure. I never should have rezzcued you from that hell hound.”

  


The other-Gabriel grinned, “Oh you would have done it either way, I’m just too irresistible.”

The doppelgänger groaned but Beelzebub could see they were smirking, “Yeah, ‘courzze you are.”

  


“Excuse me sirs?”

  


All three celestials looked up and Beelzebub watched as a human dressed in a snug and well-tailored suit walked smartly to the water’s edge. He was male with brown hair and pale eyes, utterly unremarkable except for the fact that he was speaking to two celestials with far less cowering and genuflecting than Beelzebub would have expected.

“You summoned me?” He asked the doppelgänger, sparing a glance Beelzebub’s way.

“Ah yezz, Benedict could you take our… guezzt away? They appear to be one of the long-term onezz.”

The human, or Benedict apparently, smiled and bowed, “At once sir, I assume I have control of the amulet?”

The doppelgänger blinked and Beelzebub felt the amulet’s energy shift ever so slightly.

“Ah, thank you,” This Benedict, they assumed him to be some sort of butler, said, “Are there any restrictions I should put in place?”

  


The other-Gabriel hummed thoughtfully, “No, just don’t let them leave the house, we don’t want another Mazikeen on our hands, the last time was tricky enough.”

“Of course not, sir,” Benedict bowed again, “I shall leave you both to your privacy. Also, sirs, Master Aziraphale called, he says the children have just been put to bed.”

  


The doppelgänger was now completely ignoring Beelzebub and focused, instead, on the feathers between their fingers, “Great, thankzz. You can go now.”

“At once,” Benedict said, bowing again.

  


The butler snapped his fingers and Beelzebub found themselves marching back out of the pool room, their head buzzing with roughly thirty billion questions all battling to escape their locked jaw first, and, to top it all off, a burning red face.

Benedict walked for a good five minutes through the sprawling complex that was this weird mansion before arriving in some sort of kitchen and snapping his fingers again. The block holding Beelzebub’s jaw shut fell away and they tested it experimentally.

“Where the _fuck_ am I?”

  


Benedict smiled, “Another world, Prince. One where the fabric of reality is weak enough that it can sometimes tear. As a result, we often get other-worldly objects dropping in. Getting visitors, such as yourself, is less common but it has been known to happen. Usually we just get humans, the occasional witch, it is much rarer for a demon to fall through.”

Beelzebub swallowed reflexively. Digesting the information slowly and carefully.

“And... and they… They have _kids_?”

Benedict nodded, “Oh yes, after their marriage, well over twelve years ago now, my masters decided they would try for children. We were… well not exactly _blessed_ with twins. Two little devils if I’ve ever seen them, but with hearts of gold. Master Aziraphale is a most excellent Nanny and Master Crowley, when his duties do not demand his attention in the garden, is a grand playmate for them. I imagine your universe is quite different.”

  


Beelzebub’s eyes boggled and their knees wobbled dangerously.

“Ah, I appear to have said too much. Forgive me sir.” He held out a glass of cool water, presumably filled from the tap in the black marble sink. Beelzebub took it gratefully and sighed as the refreshing liquid brought some semblance of life back to them, at least the water seemed the same.

They latched onto the only part of his speech that made even the slightest bit of sense, “Zzzo Crowley and Aziraphale… other-me and other-him didn’t try and kill them?”

Benedict chuckled, “Oh they did _try_ , apparently it didn’t work. Master Crowley still holds a bit of a grudge as I understand it but Master Aziraphale has quite forgiven Master Gabriel.”

  


Beelzebub sighed and looked around the opulent kitchen, they could feel the headache creeping up behind their eyes, “When can I go home?”

The feeling of homesickness was not one to which the Prince of Hell was accustomed, and yet it still burned in their chest. This place was far too foreign, too odd, so unlike home, definitely not to their liking. But, then again, they weren’t exactly sure what home they were referring to. Certainly not Hell, where they didn’t so much as rule as successfully avoid getting stabbed in the back 24/7. Every time they thought of home, they saw purple and smelled lavender and _that_ bared no more thinking about. Better to leave this confusing place and return to the comforting fights with their Gabriel where everything was as it should be and not… like this.

  


Benedict regarded them steadily, an eyebrow ticking upwards as a slow smile spread across his face, “You may not have much longer to wait Prince, your reality has apparently found you again.”

Beelzebub was about to ask how the fuck the guy knew that when they felt a tingle deep in their soul, almost a tug.

It felt _right_ . Familiar. _Home_ was reaching out.

Benedict was getting faint, so was the kitchen, and the amulet around their neck disappeared- taking the irritating weight along with it. The house of a happy family faded away. The last thing they saw was the butler’s pleased smile and twinkling eyes.

  


Then they disappeared with another _pop_.

  


***

  


“Come on.” Gabriel whispered, “Wake up you damned-”

“Really? Way to rub it in, idiot.”

  


Gabriel sucked in a breath; the sound dangerously close to gasp. Beelzebub stirred in his arms and blinked up at him with those pale watery eyes of theirs. The fly on their head made a feeble show of flapping its wings before it collapsed, insectile legs gripping the strands of their filthy hair.

The demon Prince blinked again, and Gabriel helped them stand before stepping the appropriate several paces back as they dusted themselves off.

  


He couldn’t lie, it had been quite alarming12 when Beelzebub had vanished, and he’d had to go trawling through the fabric of reality in order to find their unique aura and drag them right back. When they had ended up in his arms, unconscious, Gabriel admitted he had felt slightly worried. Not for Beelzebub though, no, for the amount of _paperwork_ this entire escapade was going to generate13. As if the Apocalypse hadn’t given him enough work to do, now he would have to justify breaking through the fabric of the universe in order to retrieve a prominent member of the Opposition. His head hurt just thinking about it.

  


It took him a moment to realise Beelzebub was staring at him.

“Should I say thank you?” They asked, regarding him with a glint of… _something_ in their eyes. Something he just couldn’t quite parse.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow in surprise, “Best not. I’m in enough trouble as it is, pulling you back into this reality and all. Where in the Almighty’s name did you go, anyway?”

He told himself he wasn’t curious, not curious at all, but he was wondering why on earth they had come back smelling of lavender of all things.

Beelzebub shrugged, the fly on their head buzzing back to life despite still sounding rather groggy, “Nowhere zzpecial. It doezzn’t matter.”

  


Gabriel frowned but said nothing more on it. Beelzebub kept glancing at him, almost sizing him up, paying _particular_ attention to his chest. Gabriel felt his wings stir in the Ether, unsure whether to preen at the attention or fluff up in a more appropriate threat display.

After a moment the Prince of Hell shook their head and looked away.

  


The silence reigned for an awkward moment.

  


“How do you feel about bathzz?” They finally asked.

Gabriel felt himself blush, “You mean the human ritual of sitting in tubs of warm soapy water in order to get clean?”

Beelzebub rolled their eyes and Gabriel almost caught the hint of a smirk flitting across their pale lips, “Yeah. That.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow, “I’m not particularly averse to them. Why do you ask?”

  


Beelzebub grinned, “Oh, no reazzon. Juzzt a thought.”

  


  


* * *

_1 It was never a sign of anything good when a situation nearly merited discorporation twice in a ten second period._

_2 I mean, really? Did humans do that intentionally? Why couldn’t they use new candles? Or did they think it was an aesthetical thing? Beelzebub wasn’t summoned often3 but once, just once, they would like to be summoned to someplace warmer than an Antarctic cellar in mid-winter with stupid pentagrams scrawled on the walls in some unfortunate mammal’s blood. And exactly where in the damn instructions did it say one must also look half-dead to do the summoning? Sometimes humans made no sense._

_3 Usually because: a) they were a Prince of Hell and… well that was usually enough. Emphasis on the usually ._

_4 For it must be a mansion, Beelzebub refused to believe that normal houses had this many corridors and rooms. It almost resembled a bleached version of Hell at times, although far better furnished, fully illuminated, and marginally less confusing to navigate._

_5 They could have sworn they saw the beginnings of a hedge maze somewhere at the edge of the light pouring from the windows so it might be a tad bit bigger than just ‘big’. It wouldn’t have surprised them to learn it had its own woodland complete with waterfall and overcomplicated treehouse._

_6 i.e. Thrones, dramatic drapes instead of curtains, chaise longues, and enough polished mahogany to establish a fancy petrified forest._

_7 The first example of any sort of practicality in this bizarre amalgamation of two distinct styles that called itself a house._

_8 Who had, by this point, almost given up on trying to rationalise anything that was happening and had decided just rolling with it was probably the best course of action and the one that was the least likely to end with them suffering an aneurysm._

_9 The red-hot flush was now most definitely evident in their pale cheeks, and Beelzebub was rapidly losing the wherewithal to control it spreading._

_10 Going along the lines of ‘ Lizzten here you fucking imbecile, you can take your invitation and zztick it up your feathered arzze! ’11_

_11 Despite how bloody tempting the offer was to that small, secret part of them that they kept strictly locked away._

_12 Which was an understatement but there weren’t a lot of human words available that could accurately describe the degree to which the Archangel Gabriel had panicked when his nemesis had suddenly up and disappeared in front of his eyes._

_13 This was, unsurprisingly, a lie. A great big one. And a terrible one at that. Though Gabriel would sooner cut off his own ears than admit he’d felt his stomach grow tight with a terrible, terrible fear when his greatest enemy had failed to heed his commands and wake up immediately._

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another distraction from the climax of my big story.  
> Seems writing non-consequential oneshots is quite therapeutic, who knew?
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this. Took me a while to get it just right but I think it turned out fairly well. Special thanks once again to my Beta for reading through this and giving it her stamp of approval.


End file.
